Walking in darkness

When things are going my way and I'm happy as can be,
I feel the sun smiling and starring down at me.
In my head: out of the ground, the flowers grew,
And I imagine myself smiling, running through.
The joyful music plays and I start to sing along,
While all the pretty blue birds chirp a happy song.
The skies around me are as blue as the sea,
And the smell of beautiful things surround me.
I was on top of the world, and my love for God was strong,
Then the question was asked, "what could go wrong?".
But when these things fell out of place,
There is no smile on my face.
The sun, that once did smile before,
Is frowning now, and out tears pour.
The flowers are dead and are dry as bone,
The music is evil, and I'm all alone.
The birds cry out an evil sound,
and the color is dark all around.
I hear my voice echo, "Lord where did you go?"
"Why did you leave when I was at my all-time low?".
But no voice is heard after, just a silence to pierce my ears,
Feeling so alone, I made friends with my tears.
Life moves on, but pause was my setting,
On my relationship with God, which is a decision worth regretting.
I thought I knew my own plans, I thought I knew what was best,
But when Satan tempted me, I failed to pass the test.
Into the darkness I walked, frustrated and confused,
I felt my heart grow bitter and I watched it get abused.
I walked and I walked until I couldn't see a light anymore,
I thought God had left me, and blocked off every door.
I decided, after an attitude so neutral,
To turn back to God, but really it was mutual.
In chapter 4, verse 8,of the book of James too,
It says, "if you draw near to God, he will draw near to you".
Suddenly it hit me, he never left me at all,
If he'd wait for me with wide arms, I know he'd never let me fall.
Then my eyes opened up, there was no darkness to find,
I didn't realize how these sins had made me so blind.
Although I couldn't feel Him, He held me all the way in His arms,
And kept me safe and sound, away from all harms.
So remember next time the rain is pouring down,
To always wear a smile and put away that frown.
The Lord is kind to all, and alone you will never walk,
Just draw near to Him and to you He will flock.

prayers to God on purpose

There are just some things I will never understand,
like how God made the heavens, the skies, the land.
or why cows are called cows, or why there is pain,
but there's one question i want answered that's driving me insane.
what is my purpose here God, I know there is a reason,
you've designed me for greatness, I've been training for the season.
These plans are bigger than I but could never outshine you Lord,
but if you could please just show me just what in my future has been stored.
Lord I want to honor your name, and have your heart,
I want to do things with you I just don't know where to start.
I praise you and I thank you for this life and those around me,
But I'm ready to make a difference life, so please come quick, surround me.
Help me find my point to my life and maybe then,
I can live with you in heaven, but till now i say "amen".

Have you?

have you ever had a burning fire inside your soul?
one that's too strong to control.
one you feel with every jealousy or pain...
one that makes you go insane.
have you ever tricked yourself into believing,
that your "friends" aren't really deceiving.
have you ever wanted to scream but were too weak to try,
a howl so deadly it'd make a dead man cry.
have you ever wanted to close your eyes and hide,
be like a turtle and lock yourself inside?
have your ears heard things that would make them want to bleed?
and the anger in your soul would pick up the greatest speed.
have you ever felt so little so betrayed?
that's left your heart feeling slayed.
have you ever not felt love in a while that you crave,
to hold the hand of your lovers' wave?
or have you longed to feel the lips,
of your lovers mouth on the glass he sips?
have you ever been unable to hear beating from you chest?
that the worries in your soul cease to rest.
i deny my beauty and compare who i am,
and got lost inside my own little spam.
i compare my blessings and deny my ways,
and inside i am a haze.
if only these feelings bottled up inside,
would come out one day not afraid to hide.
and one day be strong enough to finally say,
"I'm beautiful in every way"
but lying to yourself won't get you anywhere but failure,
and this is the future i endure.
the question is simple, this is true,
in these experienced feelings of pain, have you..?

Only a rose...

Only a rose could smell so sweet to your nose,
and still prick your finger, only a rose.
Can it bring meanings of joy, and yet,
still bring sorrows and tears so wet.
Only a rose can show beauty and still,
bring comfort and joy to those who are ill.
Only a rose can be so perfect and still have thorns,
like an all holy angel with devil's horns.
And only a rose can still catch your breath,
before and after its untimely death.
Only a rose can be so many colors, and yet only be known by one,
and yet still shed its petals under the winter sun.
Only a rose can say a message so true,
like, "I'm sorry", "get well", and "i love you".
Only a rose could smell so sweet to your nose,
and yet still prick your finger, only a rose....